Imagine a KEY and the different groves that are specially cut out to unlock the door. In this case, this is the door to Healthy Connection. On this KEY OF SAFETY, imagine there are 5 grooves and each one is needed to open the door to Healthy Connection properly. Let’s go over the 5 grooves on the KEY OF SAFETY.
The first groove is Seeing. Take time to truly be present with your loved one. In this devotional presence you offer your loved one a feeling of tranquility, peace and calm. This groove is the first one as it begins to meet the natural human need to be seen.
The second groove is Hearing. In order for connection to be truly successful, you must genuinely hear what the other is expressing. To skillfully hear, stay present and put on your deep listening ears and let yourself hear with ears of love. This groove supports the natural human need to be heard.
The third groove is Validating. It builds trust and connection when you offer validation to the other, letting the other know that “it makes sense” they are feeling what they are feeling, and that “it makes sense” they are going through something and that you are able to validate their experience just as it is. This groove is essential because it lets the other know that you are with them ~ Just As They Are. This is important when it comes to healthy connection. Without validation, connection becomes unhealthy very quickly.
The fourth groove is Appreciating. When you offer consistent appreciation you become a source of assurance and reassurance, resulting in a building up of your loved ones self-esteem and sense of worthiness to you, and in the world. Showing your appreciation is a gift of love, a groove that is worth more than gold as it is incredibly life-giving.
The fifth groove is Celebrating. Taking time to celebrate the little victories and wins, accomplishments and efforts ~ whether successful or unsuccessful ~ to celebrate your loved one with cheer and tidings edifies and uplifts. This groove in the KEY OF SAFETY cannot be neglected as it clears away shame, fear, and self-doubt. The door to Healthy Connection is opened when we fully celebrate our loved ones regularly. It promotes love, gratitude, joy and lasting reverence for one another and all of life!
Written by Meisha Bosma, founder of New Foundation for Life. A Christian Life Coach supporting Healthy Relating and Relationships.